When You're a Professional Hacker
by IncanArticuno
Summary: Neo's unsure of whether or not he wants to join the rebellin against th Matrix, so the Nebuchanezzar crew have their own musical number to help convince him! Parody of the song "Professional Pirate" from Muppet Treasure Island, but don't be afraid! Read a


Disclaimer: We own nothing! NOTHING! This song is a parody, so it is obviously RIPPED OFF! This one is rip off of Muppet Treasure Island (Matrix and Muppet songs? *gasp*), and we don't own anything of the Matrix characters either. Although I do wish that I owned Agent Smith.;)  
  
Author's Note: Hello all! This is my first Matrix fic ever, and guess what? It's a song parody! Yay! This is a parody of the song "Professional Pirate" from Muppet Treasure Island. Neo is still unsure of joining forces with the Nebuchanezzer crew, so they have their own little musical number to help convince him! My sister, shadowheartqueen, co-wrote this, so read her work! She's good at song parodies! Yes, I know we're weird. This is what happens when you're really bored riding on a bus. So don't go off and yell 'THE MATRIX AND MUPPET SONGS USED TOGETHER ARE A CRIME AGAINST NATURE!', because such flames will be used to heat my house.  
  
On we go!  
  
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*Scene starts where Morpheus offers the red and blue pills*  
  
Morpheus: You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed, and believe  
  
whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in  
Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.  
  
Neo: *several minutes of careful deliberation* I don't know.if I take the red pill, I'll  
  
never have tacos again. But if I take the blue pill, I'll never learn  
the truth. What should I do?  
  
Apoc: Just pick a damn pill already!  
  
Trinity: *Whispering to others* What should we do to convince him?  
  
Mouse: I know! We'll sing a musical number! And Morpheus gets to sing it!  
  
Morpheus: Wait, no! *author starts up the music. Morpheus sighs* Oh, all right.*he  
  
starts singing* When I was just a lad, looking for my true vocation  
  
The first One said, "now son, this choice deserves deliberation  
  
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier  
  
My boy why not consider a more challenging career?"  
  
Nebuchanezzer crew: Hey, ho ho  
  
You'll end a war of wars  
And you'll keep your mind and body sound  
By working out of doors  
  
Morpheus: True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without  
  
Crew: And when you're a professional hacker,  
  
Mouse: That's what the job's about!  
  
*Outside, Agent Smith is standing on the sidewalk, looking at a lighted window. The singing of the Nubuchanezzer crew is emanating from it*  
  
Agent Smith: *confused* What the hell are they doing? *Goes to investigate*  
  
*Back with the good (but insane) guys*  
  
Morpheus: Now take me for example, the Agents all despise me  
But to Zion, I'm a hero and they idolize me  
It's how you look at hackers that makes us bad or good  
And I see us as members of a noble siblinghood!  
  
*Agent Smith is sneaking through the halls, intent on capturing them*  
  
Crew: Hey, ho ho  
We're honorable men  
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten  
  
Morpheus: On occasion there's a traitor that you'll have to execute *points at Cypher*  
  
Cypher: *not singing* How did you KNOW????  
  
Crew: But when you're a professional hacker  
  
*Agent Smith bursts through the door*  
  
Trinity: *Grabs Agent Smith by the ear, points at him, and smiles* You don't have to  
  
wear a suit! *Tosses him out a window*  
  
Crew: O_O  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Switch: I could have been a surgeon  
I like taking things apart!  
  
Trinity: I could have been a lawyer  
But I just had to much heart *smiles at Neo* ;)  
  
Mouse: I could have been in politics  
Cause I've always been a big spender  
  
Apoc: And me.*flexes muscles* I could have been a contender  
  
Morpheus: Some say that hackers steal and should be feared and hated  
I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated  
We'd never stab you in the back (except for Cypher), we'd never lie or cheat  
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet!  
  
*starts talking* Tell the truth, Neo. Do you think the Matrix will ever show you the truth? We shed our blood so that someday people will be aware of what the Matrix really is. Join us, Neo! Become the One and end the war!  
  
Crew: Hey, ho ho  
It's one for all for one  
And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son  
We're people of good virtue and that's that what we're proud to be  
And when you're a professional hacker  
  
Morpheus: You'll be honest, brave, and free  
The soul of decency  
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square and most importantly  
  
Crew: When you're a professional hacker  
You're always in the best of company!  
  
*Music ends*  
  
Morpheus: *relieved* Mouse?  
  
Mouse: Yes, sir?  
  
Morpheus: *angry* Don't EVER make a suggestion like that again!  
  
Mouse: O_O Yes sir!  
  
*They all go back to their original positions, and pretend like the song never happened. Neo reaches toward the red pill, like in the movie*  
  
Morpheus: Remember, all I'm offering you is the truth, nothing more.  
  
*Neo takes the red pill and swallows it. Suddenly Agent Smith bursts through the door again, in a very angry mood*  
  
Agent Smith: *seething mad* NOBODY THROWS ME OUT OF A WINDOW!!!!!!!  
  
Crew and Neo: Ahhhhh!  
  
*end scene*  
  
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Well, that's it! It didn't make much sense, but who cares? It's comedy! I had a blast writing this and hope you enjoyed it. Reviews much appreciated. See ya! 


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